This is my special birthday edition blog post!  It’s more than a little self-indulgent, so be warned.  

There’s lots of disagreement about what age you need to reach to be considered old.  Over time our idea of being elderly has increased as life spans and health care have improved.  Even so, seventy is definitely firmly in the “old” category.  And here I am; hitting my 70th birthday. So I’ve been reflecting on the time I’ve lived and the time I have left, as one does when they get old.  While this post is about humans more than animals, don’t worry, I’ll be talking about dogs as well.  

I can’t tell you how to get old.  Honestly, I’m surprised I’m still here.  When I think back to my younger self, it’s just pure dumb luck that I made it this far.  In my early life I wasn’t very savvy  about a lot of things and I made some very poor life choices.  I’m lucky I lived long enough to change course and choose a better direction.  

What I want to talk about here is how to BE old.  Here are my Top 10 Rules for Being Old:

*Please note that I’m saying these rules work for ME, I can’t tell you that they apply to you as well but they might be worth considering.  

1. Stay open to change.  

Life takes lots of funny twists and turns.  You end up in places you never imagined and in situations you aren’t prepared to navigate.  Being adaptable and flexible is key here.  Immediately go into problem solving mode rather than problem avoiding mode!  You never know what new paths might open up if you move outside your comfort zone and think outside the box (2 cliches for the price of 1!)

     2. Learn new things.

I get it; new stuff can be very frustrating to learn.  We can complain about how much easier things used to be, but that just leaves us stuck in place.  I’m the worst when it comes to new technology; I avoid it as long as possible.  But eventually I will make the effort and figure it out.  Then I’m proud of myself.  And I know more things!  Win win.  I am a firm believer that we need to use our cognitive abilities or we will lose them.  

     3. Make new goals.

When you’re young your goals are often laid out for you.  Finish school, get a degree, get that job, meet those benchmarks…  When you’re old you get to make your own goals.  I find myself at a loss if I don’t have projects I’m working on.  I tried being totally retired last year.  It lasted maybe 3 months and I didn’t enjoy it.  So I set some new goals to work on and I’m much happier.  

     4. Keep moving.

Everyone will tell you that physical movement is important.  I tend to resist moving once I’m settled on the sofa.  Here’s where a dog comes in.  I have to exercise Neo in self-defense.  Otherwise we’ll both be very unhappy.  So having a dog with exercise needs forces me to be more active.  

     5. Structure your days.

For decades I longed for days without obligations; days where I could do absolutely nothing.  When I finally had that option I found I didn’t like it as much as I thought I would, which really surprised me.  Having some sort of structure seems important now.  I try to plan my days with my commitments spread out so they’re not overwhelming.  And I mostly have the option of changing things up whenever I want, which I like.  Here’s another place where dogs are helpful. Cats are even more insistent.  They will put you on a schedule!

     6. Develop slow hobbies.

I’ve always been a voracious reader, so that’s a great hobby for me.  For years I had to read for mastery of material, now I read cozy mysteries and forget the names of the characters immediately.  I’ve even read the same book more than once, getting halfway through before it seems familiar.  I’ve tried out puzzles, which I enjoy, and coloring, which I also enjoy.  I used to knit when I was young and that’s something I would consider too.  My mom and grandma were crocheters (is that word?)  Everybody we knew got those afghans.  

     7. Be sociable.

This is the hardest one for me!  Left to my own devices I am a solitary creature.  I like peace and quiet.  I do try to make the effort to get out and see friends every so often so I don’t go into complete hermit mode.  I know it’s good for me.  This is yet another place where dogs can be incredibly helpful; especially sociable ones. Neo insists on meeting new people and that forces me to be more outgoing than I would without him.  

Also, I’m finding that many of my friends and colleagues are younger than I am, and I think that’s probably a good thing. They grew up in a very different world from mine and they have very different perspectives.  Personally, I think online friends count too.  Communicating with people regularly through social media is still social.  

     8. Look forward, not backward.

We all need something to look forward to.  It doesn’t have to be a big thing, though it can be.  Small treats sometimes get us through the day.  Lunch with a friend, a short road trip, a long vacation, buying yourself flowers, walking a favorite trail, all are excellent options.  We look back on the past with rose colored glasses and romanticize it.  We forget all the hard parts and just remember the good ones.  That’s normal, but it’s not reality.  

     9. Let things go.

With plenty of time to ruminate it’s easy to rehash old hurts, resentments, and mistakes.  I can’t be the only person who still feels badly about things that happened decades ago, often with people who are long gone from my life.  I don’t want to end my life with regrets, mired in unhappiness.  When there’s something I can’t change I know the smart move is to find a way to release it and move ahead.  Easier said than done of course!  

I do find that little things that used to annoy me don’t bother me at all any more.  I’ve come to realize, for example, that arguing with other dog trainers about methodology on the internet is a total and complete waste of everyone’s time and energy.  I won’t give that nonsense any attention any longer.  People can say what they want about me and what I do and I honestly just don’t care.  I wish I’d been able to do this 50 years ago!

     10. You can do hard things if you break it down small enough.

This goes for everything, but I use it constantly in dog training.  If you’ve ever heard me give training advice it almost always involves breaking things down into smaller pieces and working on each one separately.  We refer to that as splitting.  This is in opposition to lumping where you try to get the entire behavior at once, and usually make a mess in the process.  I started applying this to all sorts of daily activities and am loving the results.  

For example, we all know we should floss everyday but it’s hard to be consistent.  When I thought about why it seemed like there was a time commitment that I didn’t want to make.  So I thought, why not cut it in half?  I floss the top in one session, and later on the bottom in another.  For some reason that works so much better for me.  I do the same with cooking now too.  I want to make chili but that’s a lot to put together.  So I set out the ingredients and then go do something else.  Later on I brown the meat and put it in the fridge.  Later I’ll open and rinse the cans of beans, and so on.  Eventually it gets done, just not all at once.  And it still tastes just as good.  

     11. Learn from old dogs. (Bonus point)

I’ve been lucky enough to have a number of old dogs in my life and I’ve learned a lot about aging from those experiences.  My old dogs never seemed to sit around being unhappy with being old.  They still wanted to be involved in life.  Sure, I had to make adjustments for them, but they still enjoyed everything we did as they aged.  

Zen went from active hiking to a stroll up and down the street.  He seemed to enjoy the pace and indulged in lots and lots of sniffing.  Even though he wasn’t up to hikes that didn’t mean he shouldn’t get his outings.  All the old dogs still wanted to be highly involved in daily activities and I think that’s important for mental health as well as physical.  My old dogs might sleep a lot more, and need to take medication, and adjust to physical limitations, but they still loved life.  I want to be like that.  

Deborah Jones, Ph.D. is a retired psychology professor who now trains animals full-time.  She has been training for 30+ years and focuses on positive reinforcement based methods.  Deb has written 13 books on dog training and has helped develop several DVD series way back in the day.  She has also trained and shown multiple breeds to high level titles in agility, rally, and obedience.  She is currently teaching online training classes, workshops, and webinars at www.fenzidogsportsacademy.com.  Her latest project is the Cooperative Care Trainer Certificate course.  Visit her website at www.k9infocus.com for her blog and more information.