Keyboard Warriors & Terrible Choices
I really didn’t want to write this blog. I really really didn’t. Usually, I stick to fairly safe dog training topics. But I also write whatever is on my mind or inspiring me at any given moment. And I guess it’s finally time to crack open this ugly can of worms and talk about keyboard warriors. In my definition a keyboard warrior is someone who feels perfectly justified, and definitely superior, when it comes to making comments, often rude and unpleasant ones, to other people online. They differ from trolls because typically keyboard warriors have a cause and are willing to engage in a holy war for their beliefs. Trolls are just looking to cause conflict any and everywhere. Keyboard warriors definitely care more about their cause than the people they interact with in cyberspace. They justify downright mean and nasty posts because they maintain that their position is correct.
Lately in the dog world the keyboard warriors have been highly active against anyone who has had the terrible misfortune of having to make the decision about a behavioral euthanasia. What is behavioral euthanasia? It’s having to make the horrible decision that a dog is not safe to live in the world and must be put to sleep. These dogs may be physically healthy but mentally unbalanced and dangerous. This is a reality that happens. All dogs are not Lassie deep down inside. Some are Cujo, through no fault of their own. We can’t always know why some dogs become aggressive and dangerous. Is it genetics? Is it early experiences? Is it something the owner did or didn’t do at some critical time in development? Is it an underlying medical issue we can’t diagnose? Is it mental illness like we see in humans? In any given case we may never know the underlying causes. All we know is that a dog is capable of harming and/or killing others.
Trust me, as a person who made that horrendous decision herself, we will always wish that there was another way, something else we could have done, a twist of fate that would lead to a different outcome. Having strangers on the internet call you a horrible murderer is really not helpful in any way. People who do that are not morally superior, they are just horrible human beings who lack compassion and empathy. Their outrage makes them feel powerful.
When we own and care for animals we take on a huge responsibility. We are responsible for making decisions that are in their best interests, but also in the best interests of all those who will interact with those animals. As an owner, shelter, or rescue, it is up to us to make sure that the dogs we take out into the world are safe in their interactions with the people around them. Passing that decision off onto others or pretending it’s not part of your job, is doing a huge disservice to both the animals and the people around you.
A shelter places a dog who kills a 90 year old woman the same day. That’s not responsible. A rescue places a dog who is returned 3 times for biting children. That’s definitely not responsible. Another rescue places dogs who have killed other dogs without telling the new owners the full background story.
No one wants to kill dogs! But it goes along with the responsibility of owning and caring for them. Passing on the problem to someone else is criminal.
Reading a short story online about a dog who has been euthanized, and then blasting the people responsible for that choice serves absolutely no useful purpose. You have no idea what the background information is about any particular situation. You weren’t there and even if you were, it’s not your decision to make. We absolutely cannot save them all, no matter how much we might wish we could. In the real world there are going to be dogs who must be euthanized for the greater good. It’s not fun, it’s not pretty, but abdicating your responsibility doesn’t absolve you and make you a better person. It highlights your weaknesses.
Blaming the owner for this choice is a common issue we see online, even from the shelter or rescue who placed a dog that they shouldn’t have. The keyboard warriors are happy to tell owners how THEY would have done things better than you. They would have known how to handle the situation “properly”. They would have managed better, trained better, lived better, than you did with your dog. Ignore them!
It’s been 18 months since I had to make the decision to euthanize a young physically healthy dog that I loved dearly. I think of him every single day and wish I had a way to start over and make it end differently. As I obsessively pick back through the timeline of our life together I look for clues I must have missed, opportunities I didn’t take, choices I should have made or not made. If anyone online hiding behind a screen writing nasty comments thinks anything you could possibly say to me could be more painful than my reality then you are delusional. We love these dogs even when we finally admit that they cannot be safe around others. We saw the good parts of them as well as the dangerous parts.
After a friend recently had to euthanize a dog she had fostered for nearly a year several trainers got together to form a Facebook group for people like us who have made this awful decision. It’s called Losing Lulu. If you apply to join you MUST answer the 3 questions and be approved. We are keeping it a safe and supportive environment for those who have gone through this horrible experience. We are guarding against the keyboard warriors who would be happy to tell us what awful human beings we are.
The fact that I hesitate to talk about my experience publicly because of the nastiness from a small group of keyboard warriors that followed the event makes me angry and sad. If this happened to me as an experienced dog trainer then what happens to others who are less established and confident in their abilities? For one thing, many owners will never again rescue or adopt if they’ve been given a dog with major behavioral issues. People want a companion to fit into their lives, not a behavioral project. They will be traumatized by the experience. By trying to save a marginal dog you have harmed people. That’s not okay.
I cannot even begin to tell you how many people wrote me privately to say “this happened to me but I never told anyone”. The shame of making this decision is huge, even when the choice was clearly necessary. I say enough of this nonsense! Stop trying to shame people so you can feel superior. People need support and understanding, not judgment and name calling.
Sometimes simple rules can help. Here are 3:
1. If you cannot say something supportive then just be quiet.
2. If no one asked for your opinion then don’t offer it.
3. If it doesn’t directly affect you then it’s none of your business.
After making the euthanasia decision and asking my Vet to put down a beautiful, healthy 5yo Rottweiler I had taken to Workshops with internationally respected trainers in attempts to “fix” her, I am forever grateful for his response, “Donna, we know you love your dogs.”
Well said, Deb. This is a problem with “no-kill” mentality -it is NOT “all” in how you raise them. It is a sad reality that there is only one responsible solution for some dogs. I am sorry for your pain, and many others like you who have had to make this choice for the greater good. Thank you for being responsible and making the best choice for the other dogs who might have suffered greatly for the sake of one.
Well said. I’ve lost respect for the majority of shelters that proudly boast that they are no-kill. Years ago, I adopted one of the “special case” dogs from the local no-kill shelter. He was stuck in a kennel in the back. He had a history of a bad attitude. He ended up biting me in the leg, and I had him euthanized. Someone said “why don’t you give him to someone in the country?” Why? So he could bite someone in the country? Sometimes euthanasia is the only answer.
That’s what gets me. I always liked no kill places because it upset me what the SPCA does with animals who have extreme mange or other very treatable health issues. Yet people seem to think treating health issues correlates with treating behavioral…they should not be analyzed through same way
So true. I’m sorry you had to go through this. You did the right thing.
Thank you so much for this blog. These things needed to be said. I never want to end the life of an animal, but there are times when it is necessary. I’ve noticed in the past several years a trend toward trying to accommodate and rehabilitate dangerous dogs. Excuses are made; warning signs ignored. Then something terrible happens that could have been prevented. We do ourselves, dogs or society no good by turning a blind eye to these problems. Sometimes euthanasia is the most humane answer not just for the dog, but also everyone else.
Excuses are made, lives are modified, and the owner lives on a knife edge, wondering when the next explosion will arrive. It sucks big time and it also has a long term effect on the owner. They might want another dog but they don’t dare, especially a puppy. They are constantly mocked because they ‘can’t handle’ a difficult dog. At one time breed rescues evaluated dogs needing rehoming. Did they have extreme health problems? Were they compatible with non professional owners? If it was a grooming breed, could they be groomed tied to a fence, not on a table? These rescues were the gate keepers, not a revolving door.
Great piece. Being a responsible owner means doing the responsible thing and sometimes that means euthanizing a dog.
Euthanasia is often the most compassionate choice for all involved and it takes a tremendous amount of strength and love to “do the right thing and let them go”
Cowards criticize and point fingers and pass off the problem, true animal lovers deal with the issue and do not pass it on to an unsuspecting person.
Bravo for a well written article 👍🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Wow great article, well written. Humans love to judge, it makes them feel superior. In fact, it shows how little that judging human understands dog behaviour, trauma and the situation they are commenting on. Euthanasia stinks, but is necessary in some situations, period.
Gentle hugs to all who have faced this decision. Being an adult and making the decision that does not “feel” good but is the best possible decision among no good choices is the right thing to do.
Personally I think the term ‘warrior’ is too good for these keyboard pirates. I see these people who criticize as pious and sanctimonious. Thank you for writing this.
I would even suggest the name “keyboard cowards” to refer to those who criticize a decision on which they have no business to weigh in. This is such a devastating decision to have to make (btdt many years ago), and I applaud you for speaking out and sharing your experience, Deb.
Keyboard cowards is an interesting way of looking at it. Hiding in the anonimity* of the computer.
I have tears streaming down my face remembering the day I too had to make this sad decision. Thank you for your important words.
I remember once when volunteering I had something happen which I have never forgotten.
As I was walking some potential adopters through the kennels the gentleman spied a fairly new dog to the adoption floor. “What is his name?” he asked. I told him what the shelter card said. “No, that dog is named xxxxx and he bit me a year or so ago. I still have the scars.”
I hurridly escorted them back to the front of the building, got the shelter manager and the gentleman told her his story.
What he said was true. The dog had taken off part of his shoulder in an attack and although we had not witnessed it, the owners had been allowed to contain the dog. When they decided to give it up, they lied about who the dog was, what his name was and reported he had no bite history.
Unfortunately, he had to be euthanized. I have never forgotten that and wonder what would have happened if that particular dog had attacked a child. Please keep preaching this. It is not an easy decision and one that is never made lightly. Thank you for publishing this.
I am so sorry for your loss and all the subsequent pain. Thank you for writing this. This is so important.
More power to you, and to all the compassionate, sensible comments here.
I especially liked the suggestion that “keyboard coward” is the better name for this sort of judgmental cruelty.
Great work in this blog post. It has further reach and consequence beyond the scope of the worlds we become “experts” in. I work in the “parrot world” and hearing this term Keyboard Warrior and finding out what a Troll is by definition are nice to hear as we are attacked for simply having birds with us at all (they should be free!), much less the very complicated process of rehoming or adoption or buying from a breeder (better off dead than bred is often assailed at us).
I mourn for your deep pain that will always haunt a part of you as it has with me when my training goes vastly wrong. How much I violated trust with a situation, what could I have done differently for a better outcome? I always wish for the outcome we all desire vs. things not going right.
Then, if we write about our mistake or experience publicly, to share with people to learn from it, we are attacked instead. It’s sad there is such desire to be so apathetic toward people vs. trying to understand and learn from the situation.
we specialize in behavior modification therapy and take pride in the number of ‘Last Chance Dogs” we’ve been able to save – we’ve been able to save by far the most of the dogs that were sent or brought to us – many were declared to be dangerous by animal control ( don’t get me started on how that assessment is often done ) and were sent to us by court order and requirements – we must have saved 100’s of dogs by now, but every once in a while you run into a dog that can’t ‘be taken back to square one and hit the reset button’ ( as one of my adult daughters explained to a friend when asked how her dad helped these dogs ) there is a wiring problem in a few dogs that can’t be reset by giving them the opportunity to make better choices – when that happens, even though it seldom does, believe me when I say there is a lot of soul searching done and questions like, ‘what else could we have done?’ – it’s heart braking to have to make that call
Our rescue has euthanized for behavior. The backlash is horrible but I tell my grieving foster homes that sometimes these dogs come to us so broken we can’t fix them and the best way to heal them is to let them go.
Thank you for this wonderful article.
It is horrific for a dog guardian to face making the correct decision in situations like this, and if trolls and know-it-alls can’t feel for the human, maybe they can try to feel for the dog. How can anyone believe a dog with such serious mental health issues can lead full lives? Being micromanaged for life is exhausting for anyone. People who can’t be supportive need to stand down, sit down and remain silent.
So well said, Deb. As a trainer, I have so many stories. So many. The two phrases I hate the most are, “It’s all in how you raise them,” and “Humans have failed him, he just needs to know love.” Neither of these comments are true.
What i never understand is with so many wonderful dogs being euthanized due to lack of good homes, why shelters think it is a better choice to find home for dogs that have serious temperament problems rather than focusing on the dogs with no problems or issues.
Very well said. I wish more people has this honest attitude. I can’t imagine the pain of making this kind of decision, but I can’t also can’t imagine being responsible for death or injury to human or animal because of a “rehab project”.
Thank you for writing this very important article. I’m so sorry that people shamed you. Sometimes euthanasia is the only ethical and responsible choice. I have been there myself.
Thanks for this Deb. I deeply appreciate your care and honesty when talking about ALL that happened. Not just the incident, but the fallout. We need to make it safe to talk about this. We need to make it safe for people to make the decision.
Thank you so much for writing this. I believe one of the biggest issues we have today is that we try and put humanizing perspectives on animals and unfortunately sometimes the animals cannot reciprocate that. It is always sad to euth for behavior but unfortunately that is the reality of domesticated animals. We do it for farm animals and other animals alike.
The old term’s use to be “cull” (which means something completely different than what this blog is about so please dont bring in comparisons).
The reality is that sometimes breeding goes wrong. Sometimes something is crossed wrong. Sometimes there is nothing you can do about it and all the love in the world cannot fix these issues. As badly as society wants to ignore these issues, we must search deep inside ourselves and ask what is truly best for all.
No one wants a dangerous dog to attack. We have to stop humanizing and anthropomorphize-ing animals.
Unless you have been there and have gone through having to euthanize a loved animal that could not be changed, no comment should be made. It is truly one of the hardest decisions one can make and afterwards, you always question whether you did the right thing or not.
We live in an era of Puritan extremists unable to accept the corruption of the “less-than-ideal.” People are ripping our culture apart because they are so sure that anything less than their ideal of perfection must be attacked, in the most excruciating, nit-picking, demeaning way, until evil is scoured from the land and we are a “city on a hill” in their minds–and simple practicality and need do not figure into it. Nor does compassion, or the recognition that there are always more than one set of needs in play.
You have my condolences that you’ve been savaged by the anti-kill Puritans.
This is one of the best things I’ve read in a long time regarding this issue. Thank you for writing it.
Blessed be. Thank you for being strong enough to make the hard choices.
Well said. My husband and I have had to make the painful decision of euthanizing a physically healthy dog. Poor Nell’s brain was not healthy. A friend who was sitting for Nell and our other two dogs miraculously escaped serious injury when she stopped by to let the dogs out midday. We were about 120 miles from home. We turned around and I stayed home with the dogs and my husband and son started out on the trip again.
As our beloved friend and vet was administering the euthanasia solution and Nell began to breathe the sweet air of heaven said, “Good girl Nell. Now you will learn how much your parents love you.”
In all honesty these dogs are not healthy. Sure they are physically fit and sound but health involves every organ working in balance,
Which includes the brain.
It is so hard to remember this when they can move around and bounce and jump.
I feel sorry for anyone who has had to euthenaise an animal who’s problems can’t be measured with a blood test or quantified.
I have been luck as a vet to have had resources that allow me to go above and beyond what is reasonable. I have had to have many quality of life discussions and they take emence bravery to work through for owners.
Unless you have lived it you have no right to judge. Sometimes we have no good choices and we make the least bad one. And that’s ok. That is right even.
But please know within yourselves that you haven’t euthenasied a healthy animal, it’s just that their sickness is deep within them.
Another great blog! As a professional who as taken on some of these behaviorally damaged and dangerous animals, I have euthanized a few of them because I was not interested in living with such an animal. My clients, friends and associates wouldn’t be either. So I made the tough decision, sometimes after years of work and behaviors. mod. to just move on. Although it was never easy, I always felt it was the best decision thatI could make. I never broadcast the story as the warriors are out there, but they are teachable monuments for some of the clients I see. Thanks for writing this and for standing up to those “know it alls” who rarely do. 🙂
I would like to chime in about the financial burden for both the family and the shelter. Many people say to just send them to a trainer, but if the behavioral problem is severe enough, you do have to think about the cost. $5000 is a huge amount for most families and shelter’s who operate on a shoe string. And for training that might not work. It’s awful for a dogs life to come down to that but the money could go to neutering 90 dogs, vaccines for hundreds, medical treatments etc.